


Puppy

by Doctor_Who_Cares



Series: Oh, Voldemort! [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, general silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-06 06:30:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14050995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doctor_Who_Cares/pseuds/Doctor_Who_Cares
Summary: Voldemort 'finds' a new friend.





	Puppy

"Severus, Severus, Severus, Severus, _Severus_!"

"My Lord?"

"Look what I found."

"A... puppy, my Lord?"

"Yes, his name is Sir Licks-A-Lot. I found him outside."

"That's... great, my Lord."

"Lucius said I can keep him."

"He did, did he?"

"Yes. He's gone to get supplies."

"Terrific... my Lord?"

"Uhuh."

"Is this a collar?"

"What? _No_! Of course not! Where would he get a collar from?" He frantically tried to remove the little pink collar.

"My Lord, this tag says ‘Snuggles’." ' _Merlin it better not belong to Hagrid with a name like that_.'

"No it doesn't, it says Sir Licks-A-Lot."

"I fear your sir is more of a miss, my lord."

"That's preposterous. He _can't_ be a girl. His name is Sir for one. And for two, then he can't join our ‘Special Boy Club’."

"My Lord, there are female Deatheaters."

"Not _them_! I mean they’re all well and good… a bit thick but honestly they're like family to me. Distant family. You and Lucius are my boys. Like... cousins that like to hang out and touch each other sometimes."

"My Lord?"

"Is that normal? That's a thing that happens right? I never really had much family."

' _Gods he better not start singing hard knock life again._ '

"No my Lord. I don't believe that is a conventional thing."

"Oh well, never mind then. But he's still my little buddy." He turned back to the dog.

"My Lord you said you got her from outside."

"Yes..."

" _Where_ outside?"

"Oh just at the * _cough_ * by the * _cough_ * behind the * _cough_ *."

' _Ah yes right next to the *cough*. Let's hope he just stole snuggles rather than killing her owner_.'

"My Lord?"

"The dog park. _Okay_?"

CRACK! Lucius had apparated in with armfuls of dog toys and supplies.

"Ooooh, let's go look what Lucius brought, Sir Licks-A-Lot."

Lucius moved to stand by Severus, while the Dark Lord crouched poking through bags of dog treats and toys.

" _Why_ did you encourage this?" Severus hissed at Lucius.

"You know how he gets when he's angry."

"For crying out loud. He _stole_ a dog. What was he doing at a dog park anyway? Do the words ' _in hiding_ ' mean anything to him?"

"He said he was bored - as for the stealing, from what I can gather the dog belongs to a muggle girl around the age of seven."

"So?"

"I obliviated her and her family."

"She's _seven_! you don't think she told anyone else? Or... I don't know... _pictures_? Won't they think it's odd they have all these pictures of and with a dog they have no recollection of."

"I. Am. Trying. My. Best."

"Well it's not good enough."

"Do it yourself then. I always get this from you. It's not like _you_ try to help. Or keep him out of trouble. Or..." He froze looking, at the Dark Lord who was standing next to them holding Sir Licks-A-Lot/Snuggles. Severus looked at him too.

"You're upsetting Sir Licks-A-Lot."

" _See_! Now you're upsetting the dog." Lucius turned, blaming Severus who raised a hand to his head sighing.

' _Gods give me strength_.'

"No more fighting!" Voldemort decreed. "He doesn't like it." He murmured, patting the pretty indifferent dog on the head.

They stood in silence for a few minutes no one sure what to say.

"Severus, have you heard about the Special Boys Club?" Lucius suggested.

' _Maybe it would just be easier to die_.' Severus thought staring at the dog bitterly. "Yes, I believe we have a new member." He grit out.


End file.
